Sleep Number

Ask me what it’s like to get the best sleep ever! So, recently I discovered my sleep number. It was 12 cans of Busch, the 12 ounce ones, and 2 cans of 16 ounce Busch. Now, I realize that some of you have made the assumption that this must have been a Saturday afternoon into Saturday night session. Not so, this wasn’t even a Friday night! This was in fact a Wednesday after work binge. Starting at about 4 and lasting until about midnight. Let me tell you, it was delicious!! The couple of nights prior, I did not sleep well so that also assisted in my drunken sleep abyss. Some of you might be thinking that I must have been pretty hammered, and that I cannot deny. But sitting on the couch in the dark, it’s difficult to tell how inebriated you are until you stand up. Which is why I try not to. Anyway, back to my night of sleep… My boyfriend went to bed at around 10, or beer number 11, however you choose to tell time. After I talked myself into realizing that it was quite possible that I would feel like shit in the morning, I smoked a cigarette and headed to bed. My boyfriend sucks at sleeping with someone, all his manners disappear as soon as he’s asleep. So, he has all the blankets twisted up, the top sheet is wadded into a ball at the head of the bed, he’s in the middle of the bed with two full grown labs on each side of him. I am used to this however, so I shoo the dogs off, shove him over and crawl under the piece of blanket I manage to wrangle from him. Normally, I probably would have put up more of a fight for some bedding organization and discipline, but I actually didn’t even care at this point. It was probably about 2.2 seconds after my head hit the pillow that I was out. I know, some would say “passed out” rather than “fell asleep” but screw you, it’s my story! Needless to say, I slept fucking great!! I woke up in the morning with that nasty cat shit in my mouth taste and was incredibly thirsty, but I felt rested. My boyfriend was on the couch because he said that a deaf person would have heard my snoring. I almost felt bad about that. Chugged about a gallon of water and swallowed two ibuprofen. Had a great day, and I give the credit to my sleep number!! Now, I can’t say with much confidence that my sleep number won’t change from day to day, but it’s a hell of start! Some days my sleep number might be eight Busch, or five Busch and three Mike’s Hard lemonades, which I lovingly refer to as bitch beer. On another occasion, my sleep number could be 100 proof!! Who knows, but I’ll never know if I don’t do the research, sometimes life is hard and you have to do the work to get the results you want. Do you have a sleep number?